Philippians 4:6-7The Message (MSG)

6-7 Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

  When battling with anxiety we often find ourselves stuck. The worry that comes to mind makes getting out of bed difficult. In the picture above the squirrel is just sitting in a little house watching the world outside. My family came across this squirrel while taking one of our many drives in the woods. For some time we sat in our truck watching the little furry creature sit in the little wood house as we watched each other. 

  The squirrel reminds me of when my anxiety was so bad that I rarely ever left the house. I would sit in the safety of my home as the world went by outside. At the time I had thought my home was a safe place. I didn't know at the time it was a prison.

  Though I had thought my home was a safe place it was actually wounding me. Being all alone, seeing other people live great lives I felt so hurt. I'll confess, I was so miserable I wanted to die. For five years I would act like I was fine to everyone, including my own family, but I actually was not. Those years I fed the fear inside of me, letting it have control of my life. 

  You see, the devil loves it when we are fearful because it will slowly kill us. This is how I felt when he controlled my life with fear. I would pray and beg God to take me home. I could not take my own life because I knew it was something God didn't want, but I also didn't want to live. Now I can image the pain he must have felt; the sadness he must have felt as I asked him to take my life.

  God never gave me what I requested, and I thank him for it. You see, he wanted to take the fear and anxiety from me. Being in a a closer relationship with him now I see he was waiting for me to hand it over to him. He wasn't going to just take it, I had to willingly give him the pain and fear.

  Philippians sticks out to me now, because I prayed for the wrong thing all those years. I should have been telling him all my feelings and giving my worries and fears to him. The fear I lived in made me worry about the future. I wished I could live in a cave and have an endless supply of books. Clearly, this is not very realistic. Tunnel vision made seeing any other life for the future impossible. Thoughts like this would bring me to tears everyday. 

  As I'm sure its obvious I struggled with a lot of depression. At the time I had thought I was a great follower of Christ, but I didn't understand that it is never God's will for me to feel this way. He wants us to be happy and for us to want to live the life he has for us. He was patiently waiting for me to realize that my thoughts weren't where they needed to be. 

  I was consumed with self-pity. I thought I had him at the center when I really did not. My life and the thoughts I battled with showed I was not where I needed to be. Much like the verse above I didn't tell God everything I was feeling and giving it all to him. Yes, he knows everything but he will wait until we freely give it all up to him for him to work in us miraculous ways. 

  Once I came to the realization that Christ was not at the center I knew I needed to change. Now that I share everything with him and try to live a life he has wanted me to all along. I asked Christ into my life again and I have to say even when life is hard I never want to die again. I still battle with worry and anxiety but I'm not locked up in my own home because of it. I have Christ to help me with the battle and my life is so much fuller. The lesson I want everyone to know is this, Christ needs to be at the center and you need to share and give everything to him to live the full life he has always intended. :)